Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all of you!

now that’s a delayed response

Two days ago I received a rejection from a job application. Since I’ve been at my new job for two months now, I knew that the company’s response was at least that old.

Curiosity got the better of me, and I looked up in my notes exactly when I had applied: August 7th. So this rejection is about four(!) months(!) past due. Thanks, Camber, for (finally) deigning to give me an answer, but you know, I kinda already figured out that I was not the candidate selected for that esteemed Administrative Assistant position.

But seriously, thanks for the reminder that job-hunting is beyond frustrating, and that I’m so, so blessed to have actually found a job.

the I in panic

My boss called me at home early last week. She had to put me on hold for a few minutes, and this gave me time to ponder how odd it was to be hearing from her about seven-thirty in the evening.

My train of thought went something like this: “What in the world could she be calling about? Does she have a question about that project? Could I have misplaced something? Or is she just going to say that I shouldn’t come in tomorrow – or at all! Maybe the company’s in trouble financially with that one contract getting moved back! Or have I done something wrong? I HAVEN’T BEEN THERE LONG ENOUGH TO DO ANYTHING!” And if you’re reading each of those lines with increasing panic, then you’re reading them the way I was thinking them.

Needless to say, by the time she was back on the phone, I had braced myself for impending bad news. And the reason for the call? She was attending a training class the next day, and she realized that it would be beneficial for me to tag along as well. Could I meet her there at eight-thirty? I sheepishly said yes.

After I hung up, I was embarrassed to be reminded of my tendency of late to fly into Chicken Little mode at the drop of a hat. I’ve been doing that for the better part of this year in my thoughts about my health issues – all of which are thankfully minor, btw, knock on wood. Yet I persist in going from “everything’s okay” to “everything’s as BAD as it can POSSIBLY BE.”

Maybe Thanksgiving would be an excellent time for me to count my blessings and include all those things I’ve recently worried about that turned out to be nothing.

And hopefully I’ll take that all to heart and just try to calm(!) down(!).

photoblogging

I’m almost settled in at both my new job and my new apartment but I still can’t seem to follow through on the blog topics that I think of. So, I’m catching up with posting the pictures I’ve taken recently – if the baseball game that Jeff and I went to back in early September can be called recently. :blush:

Anyway here are the links:

Five photos from the baseball game
http://public.fotki.com/box47/misc2009/p090509a.html

Three photos from Joe Wheeler State Park
http://public.fotki.com/box47/misc2009/p110109a.html

Three photos from Monte Sano State Park and one from my Mom’s yard
http://public.fotki.com/box47/misc2009/p110709a.html

The links above are the first pic in each set. Click ‘Next’ at the top right corner of the picture to see the next one.

Note: as I was giving the slideshow a test run, clicking ‘Next’ and proofreading each comment, some ad suddenly redirected me to some weird yellowpages lookup. If that happens to you, use the album index link below to view the pictures. (And would you please let me know? I like the features at fotki, but if their ads get annoying, I will move my gallery away from them in a heartbeat.)

Photo Gallery Index (2009)
http://public.fotki.com/box47/misc2009/

I pity the fuel

This morning as I drove in to the gas station, I noticed a former co-worker fueling up. I parked at the adjacent pump and called out a greeting as he was headed toward the building. He came over and gave me a one-armed hugged.

He asked what I was doing now. Upon hearing that I’m still unemployed, he gave me such a pitying look that I actually get embarrassed when I think of it. He was all, “I just hate how they did you…” While I do appreciate the sympathy, I absolutely do not think of myself as cause for pity.

Okay, I had plenty of pity parties myself right after I was fired, but now I’m feeling more optimistic, and I tried to convey that. I told my former co-worker that I *could* have a job now, but it’d be something I didn’t want. “I don’t mind taking my time and finding something good,” I insisted, to which my former co-worker gave me another oh-she’s-being-so-brave-about-all-this look.

He’s still working at that company, and he said that business is picking up. He asked if I’d consider coming back. He’s in no position to hire me, nor do I reckon that he has any influence on those who do. And really, it doesn’t matter what I would or wouldn’t do; since I was fired for less-than-stellar performance, I’m fairly positive they wouldn’t hire me back anyway. But *just* in case, if any of the higher-ups bumps his head and starts to think about me, for the record I told my former co-worker that I would not come back.

On the way home I heard “I Will Survive,” and I mentally dedicated it to my former bosses, especially the first part: “At first, I was afraid. I was petrified! Kept thinkin’ I could never live without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights, thinkin’ how you did me wrong, and I grew strong…” Yeah, getting fired threw me for a (gargantuan, industrial-sized) loop, but I’m past that now, and I’m really looking forward to the new opportunities I’ll have.

So, my former co-workers, please spare me your pity. If you want to show your support, join me in happily pondering the good things the future holds for me. Or buy me some lunch, if you prefer to give something more tangible.

money not for nothing

Re: the topic in the previous entry, I’d just about made up my mind: I wasn’t going to volunteer in my teacher friend’s class. The primary reason being that, as I approach eight(!) months of unemployment, I really need to start considering some source of actual income.

Ah, but then! Today I learned that I was actually approved for unemployment compensation. :shocked: I applied at the urging of another friend, but I really, truly, utterly believed that I would be turned down. My only experience with someone even attempting to get unemployment compensation was when my sister tried for it seven or so years ago. She was fired for her cash drawer (at a fast food place) being $3 short. Although she had worked there over ten years, because there had been two other instances of her drawer being short, she was denied UC. At that point, I became convinced that “those people” went out of their way to deny claims.

I figured that since I was fired because my “performance did not meet expectations,” I would be turned down. I figured it wouldn’t matter that my many requests for help/training went unanswered or that my ex-employers hadn’t given me a single performance review before suddenly kicking me to the curb. That’s why I waited all this time, and I ONLY did it now so that I could silence people who asked about it with a curt, “Yeah, I didn’t get it.”

But I did get it! And I actually find myself somewhat inspired by it. Before, job hunting was quite disheartening, with all the looking and finding no opportunities. But now, it’s as if I’m getting paid to job hunt, and that makes even the fruitless searches seem like just part of the process. For the first time since I got fired, I feel as if I haven’t been forgotten. (And, wow, does that feel nice.)

This may sound corny, but also while I’m considering myself on the government payroll, I plan to make it part of my “duties” to try to be a better citizen, more of a – dare I say it? – do-gooder. And part of that just might be helping out in that teacher’s classroom.

multiple choices

I’m really torn.

A teacher friend from church heard that I’m still unemployed and offered that I could come help out with her class. She said she couldn’t pay me, but she could really use the help. I agreed that I’d think it over.

When she first mentioned it, I was excited about the prospect. I’m certainly not at a loss for things to do, but that seems especially worthwhile. Plus, it would be nice to get out of the house. And who knows, it just might lead to a job.

Still, I have *no* kind of teaching ability, especially with math, which is what she said I could help with. I see how things are supposed to go, but I can’t explain them any other way. “Two plus two is four. Don’t you see? You have two, and you add two, and it’s four. Two. Plus two. Is four!” Insert blank look from student here.

And have I mentioned that I’m not very good with kids in general? I’m just not around any kids on any kind of regular basis. And after recently spending time near a very active toddler, I’m reminded that I kind of like it that way. (FYI, I’d be helping with a third grade class, which for some reason seems like a good age to me.)

Another issue with agreeing to help is wondering, “Am I not REALLY CLOSE to getting a job?” True, I currently have zero prospects, but – to avoid a full-on depression – I have to believe that something good is around the corner. I’d hate to make the commitment to help at the school and then have to leave for a “real” job. I’d feel as if I’d be leaving the kids in the lurch. But, realistically speaking, since I’m not even finding anything to apply for, I’d probably have at least two months to work at the school.

On the topic of schools, my hypochondriac side keeps pointing out how the schools are a major point of concern with the swine flu. Hypochondria aside, being uninsured, I’m trying to avoid situations that might contribute to excessive medical bills, and let’s face it, schools are somewhat of a hotbed of germs.

On the topic of working, if it’s (oh so depressingly) true that I’m not any closer to finding a so-called good job, I could seriously use some income. Would it be wise to put restrictions on my availability with volunteering if I’m going to have to start applying for part-time work?

Well, I had hoped that writing these things down might help me sort them out, but I’m still torn. If anyone has anything helpful to share, I’d appreciate it!

wheeler keeps turning

On Saturday, since it was such a beautiful and mild day (especially for August in the Deep South), I suggested that Jeff and I take the short drive to Joe Wheeler State Park and Resort. We did, and I’ll leave most of the comments for the pictures.

EXCEPT to point out how, as we walked on one of the nature trails, we happened upon a deer that remained sitting in its spot even as we passed about 15 feet away from it. As we walked away, I was all, “D’oh! I should’ve taken a picture!” But, to be honest, I didn’t linger because I didn’t want the poor thing to feel crowded … and to react to the threat by getting up and kicking us repeatedly. (Stranger things have happened, right??)

welcome to me

My boyfriend and I reached a milestone last week: the four-year anniversary of our first date. In honor of this, I finally shared with him that I have websites, including this blog.

So, Jeff, if you’re reading this . . . welcome! I know I cautioned you – twice – that I sometimes rant, and you seemed to take it under advisement. Perhaps I should’ve specified that I’ve ranted about you, but I didn’t want to belabor the point, especially when it’s been quite a while since my last rant.

I’ve been trying to decide why I waited so long to tell you about the websites. I know I didn’t mention them when we first started dating because I didn’t want to overshare. Then, I guess I liked having my privacy. But since this year began – or was it last year? – I’ve resolved to try to talk *to* people instead of complaining *about* them, and I think that knowing you can read what I write will help keep me accountable.

Maybe part of me also wanted to keep the sites a secret because I feared rejection. Years ago, I let my boyfriend at the time read my real journal. I was trying to reassure him that my feelings for him were real, but it backfired on me, because in his reading he focused on how I said another guy that we worked with was cute. My ex said glumly, “I was just the guy who bugged you into going out with him.” If I’d thought for a second that what I wrote would hurt the guy’s feelings, I would’ve kept it to myself.

But in the case of this blog, and even the rest of the sites, they’re *meant* to be shared. Even if I’m ranting, I keep in mind that anyone could read it, so I try not to say anything I wouldn’t want known. So, Jeff, when you read the less-upbeat musings, feel free to share your thoughts on them. In fact, I would LOVE for you to mention things you’ve read here. For one thing, that would show that you’ve been here and are giving my writings some thought (and you know how important it is for me to feel listened to!), but also it would start a discussion, another very desirable outcome.

I’m not sure what else to say by way of introduction. I know there’s a lot of material here. (I did mention the twenty sites, right? And actually it’s more than twenty if you count the little ones…) When perusing the blog entries, you might find it helpful to do so in the archive, which contains the entries from the current blog as well as those from previous years.

Again, welcome!

lessons learned from email

I just can’t seem to blog about the things that have been going on in my life lately, so I’m posting the start of my latest email to my friend Michele. (Michele, don’t read this unless you want to spoil the surprise, lol. I plan to finish the email and send it to you by the middle of next week. Hopefully, I’ll be able to report some progress in the topic in the first paragraph.)

Hi, Michele!

Well, yesterday was the 4 year anniversary of Jeff’s and my first date. Without launching into a ramble, I will say that this date (milestone?) has been on my mind. I remembered writing to you – maybe back in January? – that it was coming up later this year, but when I realized a few days ago that *this* was the week, I was flabbergasted. I’ve really been feeling that I need to take this opportunity to tell him (as I said all those months ago) “We’ve been dating for four years now, and I’d like for us to discuss how we think we’re doing…” I’m planning to say this to him either tomorrow (if he calls) or on Saturday at the latest. I really, really think this is something that he and I need to discuss and soon.

Moving on before I start to ramble, yes, I too was blown away by the death of Michael Jackson. His music was such a big part of my younger years, and – like with the 80s music in general – I have such good memories of listening to it. When I hear his songs now, I can’t help feeling sad that his life, once so promising with so much talent, took such a tragic turn. :*(

About my mom’s house being hit by lightning, it must’ve just got into the electrical stuff, so we’re pretty thankful for that! One house not far away was struck by lightning years ago, and it caught on fire and had to be torn down. It definitely could’ve been worse!

I got an email yesterday from one of my former co-workers that he’d been rehired. He was let go back in June. I’m really glad for him, because he has a wife and three kids to support, and he’s from that area, so I know he’d like to stay there. That got me wondering if they’d try to call me back to work. I quickly dismissed that notion – as I have from the start – since they called mine a “termination” and not a lay-off. Plus, I *really* don’t want to go back there, to that same old mess. I’m really looking forward to starting something new.

And speaking of something new, I taught our class’s Sunday School lesson last week. Our teacher – who is the pastor – was going to be on vacation, so he asked for a volunteer. There were just a few of us, so I volunteered. The topic was one near and dear to my heart: finding and following God’s will. Part of the lesson was about waiting for God’s timing, and I still marvel at how that falls right in line with what you and I are always saying. I even used an example that you mentioned about waiting: like with baking a cake, you want it *now* but if you don’t wait until it’s ready, it won’t be nearly as good.