a consumer reports

The hair dryer comparison that I started mere weeks ago already has a new development: yesterday I returned Hair Dryer #1 (which was a Revlon Soft Feel 1875 Watt, despite what I reported earlier). Compared to the Conair, the Revlon just didn’t seem to have much power. Plus – and I might just be hypersensitive about this, given my past experiences – the Revlon started to have a slight burning-out smell on both the high and low settings. I decided that since I was still in the 30-day can-return-to-the-store window, I’d best not wait and see whether I was just overreacting.

For the replacement dryer, I purchased another of Dryer #2. Hmm, now my comparison can be how the same type of dryer fares under different conditions.

Also, perhaps using only one type of dryer will give me a chance to learn how to style my hair with it!

fallout boys

Seldom do I fail to marvel at how fast things can change. When I arrived at work today Ex-Trainer Guy was in my office chatting with my OfficeMate. After a slightly awkward minute or two, OM drew me into the conversation, and ETG actually talked to me. He spoke only briefly of the recent change in his duties, “apologizing” for failing me and OM in training us. (Yeah, I think that remark was very tongue-in-cheek, but more a declaration that he was wrongly accused of Bad Training by the higher-ups than a barb aimed at us.)

ETG said that OM and I didn’t know how bad things had been with Former Employee’s anger management issues during his last period of employment. Trying to help smooth things over between those two former confidantes, I told ETG that, unlike months before, now I don’t perceive an anger from FE toward anyone. (I think FE had a *really* tough November and learned quite a bit from it.)

Before the day was over, ETG and the other fallen-out-with-FE person – to whom I’d told the same thing – had talked to him again, more than once. I think that’s a good start, and yeah, I’m going to take a little of the credit for it.

In other news, as I chatted with some other employees, the topic of the office Christmas party came up, and Cute Work Guy asked if I’d be his date(!). I replied (mildly disappointed?) that my boyfriend would be there. CWG said with a laugh that he could take him.

I can’t decide whether or not he was serious about the date. We flirt a bit, but – as with the other single guys at work – he typically stops short of saying anything that could be taken to mean that he really wants to go out with me. That’s probably a wise policy at work, to avoid things being misinterpreted and turning awkward, and yet every now and then it insults me, as if they think that I’m desperately waiting to pounce on the slightest show of affection from someone who’s available. Sigh.

The more I think about it, I don’t think he was serious. I mean, he asked in front of people: that’s a sure sign of a non-serious ask-out, right? Still, I had listed on the sign-up sheet that I would be by myself. (Little did I know that I’d mention the party in passing to my boyfriend, and he’d decide that he didn’t mind driving all this way to stay for just a few hours and attend the party with me.) But Cute Work Guy knew that I still had a boyfriend because I’d mentioned it just the other day… Oh, who knows what he was thinking, asking me that? But I bet he doesn’t ask again any time soon.

the dead package office

Remember yesterday, and the post with the bashing of Amazon dot com? Well, today, I have my package, and I must say that Amazon did their part, right on time.

I had noticed when tracking the package at the USPS site, the last recorded entry was on September 22, saying the package left Atlanta. This is why I started to think that surely the package had been delivered and subsequently stolen out of the mailbox.

But! As it turns out it was at the Post Office, and no doubt has been since it left Atlanta, and no doubt would still be had someone not gone to mail something and decided to ask about the package, just in case. And why was it still at the Post Office? “Because the regular mail carrier had been out and the temp doesn’t yet know the route too well.” Wha…? “Didn’t know the route”? The package has my name and address on it, just like the other mail that I *have* been getting!

In any event, my package is home. As you may have gleaned from yesterday’s post, I had truly given up on it, thinking it had been stolen. I was positive that Amazon would be all, “We gave it to USPS. Our job is done. We’ve washed our hands of your whole DVDs.” I even grr-ed at them. :hangs head in shame:

Now that Amazon and I are on good terms again, I had been planning to preorder the re-release of My So-Called Life, but I’m scared of another ordeal with the PO. I think I’ll preorder it from Wal-Mart instead – if they’ll match Amazon’s price – and just go pick it up myself. :sigh: 

aftermath

After the events I described in the previous post, my officemate and I haven’t had much to say to each other. We’ve continued to greet each other with a friendly-sounding “Good morning,” but beyond that it’s been pretty quiet when no one else is around.

It occurred to me that most of our chatter before was probably instigated by me. Even when I’d tell myself, “Anne, he is trying to work. Stop talking to him.” I’d still think of something, and off I’d go, babbling away.

I thought about apologizing to him for spouting off like I did, but my boyfriend said it was probably best to let it go. Officemate has said – and from what I’ve seen of him, I believe it – that men hate to talk about things like that, so I decided it was best not to bring it up.

Yesterday, he wished me a good evening as he left, which he hasn’t done since Thursday. Maybe we’re both slowly getting over it? I hope so. I truly do.

coincidence and leprechauns

“There are two things that I don’t believe in: coincidence and leprechauns.” - Buffy Summers

Fueling the paranoia that I wrote about in the previous post, no sooner do I say that people wanting to merit mention here in my blog should try being nice to me than – surprise! Someone at work is nice to me above and beyond the call of duty.

On Friday, one of the guys came into the office and starts straightening up the place(!). Apparently the disorganization was bothering him, and I teased him about losing sleep over it.

After a bit of organizing, he says that he’s given the matter a lot of thought, and he tells his idea of a shelf to organize the reference books that OfficeMate and I share. I agree that it sounds like a good idea. Office Organizer Guy leaves but soon returns, suggesting that the guys in the shop could make a simple shelf unit to put in the middle of the table. I said that if he could get someone to make the shelf, we’d sure use it.

A bit later, OOG returns, saying that he found someone to make the shelf, and that he would take it and paint it. I was off of work for two days, but I remained impressed that OOG and the other guy would go to the trouble of doing that. Knowing that it might not come to fruition, I thought it best not to get my hopes up.

But upon returning to work? There it is. Thanks, guys. You rock!

I always feel like somebody’s reading me

I’ve discovered that, after learning that one’s blog may have been found by one’s Real Life work acquaintances, one’s thoughts tend to progress through certain stages:

- Denial. “No. No, they can’t have found my website.”
- Anger. “It’s your fault, blabbermouth OfficeMate! YOU told them about the site!”
- Delusions of Grandeur. “Maybe my blog will finally get some traffic. Maybe I’ll become some sort of local celebrity!”
- Damage Control. “I’d better post some sort of explanation for what I’ve been writing.”
- Obsess Over Everything. “What does So-and-So think of what I wrote? Is he taking it all wrong? What will I say if he asks about it? HOW CAN I EVER FACE HIM AGAIN?!”
- Return to Denial. “I checked my stats, and it doesn’t seem that they’ve found my site. *That’s* a relief.”
- Giddiness. “My secret thoughts remain secret! Woo hoo! And I’m free to write again!”
- Return to Reality. “Wait, they could’ve found the site this other way, which wouldn’t show up in my stats/referrer list.”

Apparently now I’m in the Paranoia stage, where I keep thinking that the people at work have found my blog – maybe they’ve even known about it for a while now! – and they’re competing amongst themselves to see who can get me to post things. Because lately? It seems that certain of my co-workers are doing their best to vex me. Well, sorry peeps, but there was no winner in this round. Next time may I suggest you try niceness over annoyance? Ooh! Or cash. Cash is always good.

false alarm

“You know how sometimes the last sentence you said, like, echoes in your brain? And it just keeps sounding stupider? And you have to say something else just to make it stop?”

Thank you, Angela Chase of My So-Called Life, for putting into words how I’ve been feeling for a few days. Since writing the last post, I’ve been hit hard with a case of blogger’s remorse. At the time, revealing the identity of my crush seemed a necessary detail to show the full circle of weirdness of the situation I was describing. And though I knew he might read it, I decided that if he read anything else I’ve written, he’d know that it wasn’t a huge deal. I mean, I admitted that I know nothing can come from it. I know that he’s got someone, and he knows I’ve got someone. There’s just something that I like about him, and as I wrote the last entry, it was important to me that he knew it. I thought that he’d maybe be flattered and then laugh it off.

However, it wasn’t long before my imagination went wild, fearing that I’d put ideas in his head, and I pictured everything from him being conflicted to learn of my crush to him showing up at my door to talk. I figured at the very least, given the way he hasn’t stopped by the office to say hello lately, that he was feeling awkward, thinking I’m pining away for him, or something.

Just now, I thought to check my blog stats for the last week. I’m fairly sure that if he did find his way here, it would be from my “personal site.” It is *crazy* how relieved I am to see no report of any visitors clicking here from there. :relaxes after holding breath: Oh, I’m aware that people from work could still find my websites, I’m just glad to think that, for now, one certain person has not.

me and my big blog

I’m happy to report that the old, non-working refrigerator has been removed from my apartment, and a new, working one stands in its place. Given the seventeen inch gash down the side, I’m guessing it was from some scratch-and-dent collection, but as long as it works, I’m good with it.

Moving on to the tale behind my subject line, a few weeks ago my OfficeMate (OM, as I call him here for short) mentioned possibly doing a website for the side business he’s trying to start. After briefly considering whether I was sharing too much, I confided that I have had quite a few websites for quite a long while, and we chatted about that, with him asking me various HTML-related questions.

Note that I didn’t go so far as telling him what the sites specifically are. He agreed when the topic came up again a bit later that it was best he didn’t know, because he didn’t trust himself not to spill the virtual beans when he gets to talking. Since then, he’s made reference to my websites while various people have been in the office. As OM is widely known for being misleading, I’ve been able to just roll my eyes at his remarks, and people remember the rule: “When OM talks, we don’t believe him.”

Until last Friday. OM again mentioned my sites – I’ve seriously started accusing him of being compulsive – and our visitor asked, in a somewhat derogatory tone, if I have a myspace page. OM is all, “Oh, she’s gone BEYOND myspace.” Our visitor looked quizzically at me, and I admitted vaguely that I have “a website.” The visitor continued to look at me, like, “Well, what is it?” I said that I wasn’t going to tell him what it was. He said confidently that he would find it.

Now, although I’m very cautious in what information I post – why do you think I avoid posting real names as I tell these tales? No, I’m not *trying* to be annoying – I know that it’s possible to find my domains if you know what to search for. I had every confidence that Website Searcher Guy would find one, so I asked that when he finds it, he not tell me. He said that he’d leave a message in the guestbook. 

WSG left the room, and I griped at my officemate for again sharing information that I told him in confidence. OM was typically unrepentant, saying that although he jokes about it, he’s really impressed with my hobby. Yeah, I don’t accept that as a valid excuse, but thanks for showing your true colors once again, OM, before I trust you with something truly important.

I considered the ramifications of WSG finding the sites. I figured that finding this blog would be too big of a coup not to share, and I imagined him telling everyone at work. I briefly entertained the thought that I might become the local dooce.

And making all of this a little more complicated? WSG also just happens to be the Inappropriate Crush Guy that I mentioned two posts ago. Perhaps my biggest fear of all in this is that WSG/ICG (wow, even the abbreviations are getting complicated) would find that post and ask me who I was crushing on. I pictured him hounding me about it, and me – as I marveled over one of the weirdest turn of events ever in my life – answering, “Would you believe that it’s you?” I don’t see how things could be anything but awkward after that.

Today, WSG/ICG came to work a bit later, but he finally did pay us a visit. I almost held my breath, waiting for him to tell what he found. Thanks to OM, the topic at hand quickly spiraled into talk of my website. WSG/ICG said that he looked but couldn’t find it, and he expressed doubt that I even have one. I sighed with relief.

Still I can’t escape the thought that perhaps he did find the sites, but he’s honoring my request and not telling me. Yes, I think he’s a decent enough guy to do that. This is why I don’t mind admitting here that he is the one I was talking about last week. I never have to know that he knows, he never has to know that I know, and all that awkwardness … remains unknown.

In any event, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my on-line presence (such as it is) a secret for long. I try to bear that in mind as I write these things. As I like to quote: “Do not be ashamed to say what you’re not ashamed to think.”

act one, scene two

At work, the drama has returned. Yesterday, as the guy that trains me and my OfficeMate was in our office, an email popped up on my computer. Trainer Guy saw that it was from a former employee, and coupled with the fact that Former Employee and I wound up at the same party on Friday night (another blog for another time), Trainer Guy started teasing me about having a fling with FE and about being the “mole.”

Truth be known I was trying to get some help with my monster of a project. I was already overdue on it, and Trainer Guy was far too busy to provide the sheer volume of help I needed. I went to the boss with it, and he literally spent an hour yesterday talking about design theory, but when I’d say, “So, on this job specifically, I need to…?” he’d say that I should talk to Trainer Guy since he (Boss Man) had not designed in years. After a wrinkle in the project had arisen, TG had already said that he wasn’t familiar with what needed to be done, and he had mentioned this to the boss. So, WHY was the boss trying to send me back to him?

Clearly, I was stuck. I wrote to ask Former Employee – technically still an employee somewhat since he does some contract work for our parent company – for help, and yeah, I vented a bit about the lack of help I was getting. FE was mad for me, and he mentioned the situation to some higher-ups at the parent company. FE even offered to do the project for me, since that was really the only way it was going to get back on schedule.

Today, the boss comes to me, asking about that project. He seems determined that it not go to FE, and the boss and I head in to talk to Trainer Guy about getting me some help. This should not have been news to Trainer Guy, as I had told him yesterday after the aforementioned new wrinkle came up that when the boss came to talk to me about it – as I knew he would – I would tell the boss straight out that I needed some help.

Well, we wound up calling a higher-up from the parent company to see if anyone there could help, and it was decided that FE would take over the project. I tried not to smile after hearing that.

As predicted, later this afternoon, Trainer Guy started talking, in that joking manner where you still know he means what he’s saying, that I threw him under the bus. When he says it tomorrow, I plan to respond, “Yeah, because I couldn’t possibly have really needed help, or anything.”

you know what I think I’m sayin’??

Last week, my OfficeMate was getting frustrated again. Yes, again, and no, I’m not really surprised by this. This time, it was about having to type up a long list of questions to answer about a project. I suggested that he ask the secretary or the file clerk if they have time to help him with that. He immediately dismissed that as saying that he doesn’t have the authority to ask them that. I replied by asking what he’s got to lose by asking if they can do it.

As luck would have it, minutes later the file clerk arrived at our door to talk about the upcoming company picnic. OfficeMate says in a joking way, “Anne says you need to help me type this stuff.” Understandably, the clerk is not at all clear what he’s talking about, and he continues to skirt around the real issue by rambling that he has to answer all these questions about a job. But he never actually asks her to help type them.

The subject changes to the picnic, and she leaves. He grumbles to me, “What did I tell you? THAT went over well.” I said, “The way you said it, she thought you were kidding, like you tend to do about things.”

It’s hardly fair – not to mention pretty pointless – to get angry with people for not reading your mind, yes?

Along that line, I did write to my boyfriend about the falling-asleep-looking-at-pictures thing that I mentioned in the previous entry. As planned, I admitted to him that I guess I kept bringing it up because it hurt my feelings. He wrote back that he wished he was “less tired more often.”

My big gripe before was that, to me, his falling asleep while I was talking tells me that he’s truly not interested in what I say. Him trying to joke and blame his job for it before only made it worse to me (although I didn’t tell him that part) because it shows that he truly just doesn’t get it.

Then it occurred to me that this must be one of those common occurrences where two people simply see things a different way. I mean, I’m thinking, “How am I supposed to interpret his actions as anything but a lack of interest?!” On the other hand, his interest (or lack of) may never have even entered his mind as a reason for the sleep. He just thinks, “I was tired because of the weird hours I work. Therefore, I fell asleep.”

Um, what was that about anger due to not reading your mind? Um, yeah. In my defense, I don’t think I was expecting him to read my mind … well, not completely. I did venture to say before that I found his falling sleeping rude, and that’s when he said that he blamed his job. In any event, thinking of his attitude as merely a different way of seeing the situation – and not an attempt to slight me – makes me feel a bit better about the whole incident.

I plan to share this revelation with him when I next see him. I would only hesitate to do so because I feel that whenever I say something that could be taken to mean that I was irrational, he thinks I’m admitting I was wrong and therefore dismisses all my concern, and thus the vicious cycle of miscommunication continues. I’m not saying I was wrong, because I still think that lack of interest *did* contribute to the falling asleep. I’m just recognizing that two people saw a situation two different ways. Hopefully, if we can both see that – and keep it in mind for when it happens again.