me and my big blog

I’m happy to report that the old, non-working refrigerator has been removed from my apartment, and a new, working one stands in its place. Given the seventeen inch gash down the side, I’m guessing it was from some scratch-and-dent collection, but as long as it works, I’m good with it.

Moving on to the tale behind my subject line, a few weeks ago my OfficeMate (OM, as I call him here for short) mentioned possibly doing a website for the side business he’s trying to start. After briefly considering whether I was sharing too much, I confided that I have had quite a few websites for quite a long while, and we chatted about that, with him asking me various HTML-related questions.

Note that I didn’t go so far as telling him what the sites specifically are. He agreed when the topic came up again a bit later that it was best he didn’t know, because he didn’t trust himself not to spill the virtual beans when he gets to talking. Since then, he’s made reference to my websites while various people have been in the office. As OM is widely known for being misleading, I’ve been able to just roll my eyes at his remarks, and people remember the rule: “When OM talks, we don’t believe him.

Until last Friday. OM again mentioned my sites – I’ve seriously started accusing him of being compulsive – and our visitor asked, in a somewhat derogatory tone, if I have a myspace page. OM is all, “Oh, she’s gone BEYOND myspace.” Our visitor looked quizzically at me, and I admitted vaguely that I have “a website.” The visitor continued to look at me, like, “Well, what is it?” I said that I wasn’t going to tell him what it was. He said confidently that he would find it.

Now, although I’m very cautious in what information I post – why do you think I avoid posting real names as I tell these tales? No, I’m not *trying* to be annoying – I know that it’s possible to find my domains if you know what to search for. I had every confidence that Website Searcher Guy would find one, so I asked that when he finds it, he not tell me. He said that he’d leave a message in the guestbook. 

WSG left the room, and I griped at my officemate for again sharing information that I told him in confidence. OM was typically unrepentant, saying that although he jokes about it, he’s really impressed with my hobby. Yeah, I don’t accept that as a valid excuse, but thanks for showing your true colors once again, OM, before I trust you with something truly important.

I considered the ramifications of WSG finding the sites. I figured that finding this blog would be too big of a coup not to share, and I imagined him telling everyone at work. I briefly entertained the thought that I might become the local dooce.

And making all of this a little more complicated? WSG also just happens to be the Inappropriate Crush Guy that I mentioned two posts ago. Perhaps my biggest fear of all in this is that WSG/ICG (wow, even the abbreviations are getting complicated) would find that post and ask me who I was crushing on. I pictured him hounding me about it, and me – as I marveled over one of the weirdest turn of events ever in my life – answering, “Would you believe that it’s you?” I don’t see how things could be anything but awkward after that.

Today, WSG/ICG came to work a bit later, but he finally did pay us a visit. I almost held my breath, waiting for him to tell what he found. Thanks to OM, the topic at hand quickly spiraled into talk of my website. WSG/ICG said that he looked but couldn’t find it, and he expressed doubt that I even have one. I sighed with relief.

Still I can’t escape the thought that perhaps he did find the sites, but he’s honoring my request and not telling me. Yes, I think he’s a decent enough guy to do that. This is why I don’t mind admitting here that he is the one I was talking about last week. I never have to know that he knows, he never has to know that I know, and all that awkwardness … remains unknown.

In any event, I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my on-line presence (such as it is) a secret for long. I try to bear that in mind as I write these things. As I like to quote: “Do not be ashamed to say what you’re not ashamed to think.”

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