“You know how sometimes the last sentence you said, like, echoes in your brain? And it just keeps sounding stupider? And you have to say something else just to make it stop?”
Thank you, Angela Chase of My So-Called Life, for putting into words how I’ve been feeling for a few days. Since writing the last post, I’ve been hit hard with a case of blogger’s remorse. At the time, revealing the identity of my crush seemed a necessary detail to show the full circle of weirdness of the situation I was describing. And though I knew he might read it, I decided that if he read anything else I’ve written, he’d know that it wasn’t a huge deal. I mean, I admitted that I know nothing can come from it. I know that he’s got someone, and he knows I’ve got someone. There’s just something that I like about him, and as I wrote the last entry, it was important to me that he knew it. I thought that he’d maybe be flattered and then laugh it off.
However, it wasn’t long before my imagination went wild, fearing that I’d put ideas in his head, and I pictured everything from him being conflicted to learn of my crush to him showing up at my door to talk. I figured at the very least, given the way he hasn’t stopped by the office to say hello lately, that he was feeling awkward, thinking I’m pining away for him, or something.
Just now, I thought to check my blog stats for the last week. I’m fairly sure that if he did find his way here, it would be from my “personal site.” It is *crazy* how relieved I am to see no report of any visitors clicking here from there. :relaxes after holding breath: Oh, I’m aware that people from work could still find my websites, I’m just glad to think that, for now, one certain person has not.