I always feel like somebody’s reading me

I’ve discovered that, after learning that one’s blog may have been found by one’s Real Life work acquaintances, one’s thoughts tend to progress through certain stages:

– Denial. “No. No, they can’t have found my website.”
– Anger. “It’s your fault, blabbermouth OfficeMate! YOU told them about the site!”
– Delusions of Grandeur. “Maybe my blog will finally get some traffic. Maybe I’ll become some sort of local celebrity!”
– Damage Control. “I’d better post some sort of explanation for what I’ve been writing.”
– Obsess Over Everything. “What does So-and-So think of what I wrote? Is he taking it all wrong? What will I say if he asks about it? HOW CAN I EVER FACE HIM AGAIN?!”
– Return to Denial. “I checked my stats, and it doesn’t seem that they’ve found my site. *That’s* a relief.”
– Giddiness. “My secret thoughts remain secret! Woo hoo! And I’m free to write again!”
– Return to Reality. “Wait, they could’ve found the site this other way, which wouldn’t show up in my stats/referrer list.”

Apparently now I’m in the Paranoia stage, where I keep thinking that the people at work have found my blog – maybe they’ve even known about it for a while now! – and they’re competing amongst themselves to see who can get me to post things. Because lately? It seems that certain of my co-workers are doing their best to vex me. Well, sorry peeps, but there was no winner in this round. Next time may I suggest you try niceness over annoyance? Ooh! Or cash. Cash is always good. 😀

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