Posted in feelings, letters

the way the cookie statements crumble

From the latest email to my boyfriend.

Dear Jeff,

On Saturday, when you said something like, “I’ve got to where I can recognize certain songs just by the drum intro,” I replied sarcastically, “Yes, because NO ONE ELSE can do that.” That was not nice, and I do apologize.

But allow me to explain what prompted that snark. (Note that I bring this up because I think it is one of those recurring “personality differences” that concerns me. I’m writing this in a positive tone, not trying to harp, just sharing my feelings, as I’m striving to do lately.) Backing up to recap the conversation right before the above-noted exchange, as I recall, a song by Bruce Hornsby and the Range started to play on the radio, and you and I both recognized it about the same time. You said, “Oh, I know that one.” And I agreed, “Me too.” You added, “Now if it was that ‘That’s Just The Way It Is’, I would’ve recognized it in like, two notes.” Again, I agreed that I would have also. This was when you said the line about the drum intros. Since you hadn’t acknowledged my responses to your previous two lines, I was feeling quite ignored by this point, and to top that off, it sounded to me like you were trying to brag about yourself. Yes, this irked me, and I guess I made that clear…

I thought about this incident and how to bring it up, and what would be the point if I did bring it up. I finally decided that maybe the problem I have with the bragging type statements is that either the listener joins the person in singing their own praises (and I usually can’t bring myself to do that, since they’re doing such a fine job of it on their own!) or the listener doesn’t have anything to say. For that reason, I call them Cookie Statements because the only reply I can think of is, “What do you want, a cookie??” Which I don’t say because I wouldn’t want you or the people at work or whomever to say that to me when I make a Cookie Statement.

So, my suggested solution is this. Perhaps we – yes, me too – could try following a cookie statement with a question to include the other person. Such as, “I can recognize certain songs just by the drum intro. How about you?” Well, maybe that’s a bad example: it sounds kinda like you’re bragging and then challenging me to best you. The idea I’m thinking of is the way I attempt to do in my emails to Michele. For example, I told her about my trials in picking up my walmart dot com order at the store, and then I said, “Have you ever had such an experience with them? Or have you ordered anything from them?” And then it’s like, a conversation, or something. 😀



It’s not too harsh, is it? I admit that I’m no good at heart-to-heart talks, so I attempt to share via screen-to-screen writes. (He has yet to respond to what I’ve written, btw.)

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