Posted in feelings, work

that’s right, you’re wrong

That’s how I feel lately at work, except less with the “that’s right” and much with the “you’re wrong.” Multiple times a day for the past I-can’t-remember-how-long, whatever way I’ve picked to do a given aspect of my latest project will be deemed by the person who checks my work as wrong. Even when I’ve done it that way before and it was considered okay. Even when the person checking the work is the same person who earlier told me that the way I did it was the way to do it. Even if the way I did it is technically okay, but now, in this particular instance – with the way the wind is currently blowing and the planets in their collective state of alignment – the way the checker-person is now touting is by *far* the superior choice.

Oh, excuse me. Do I sound a bit annoyed by all of this? Internet, annoyed doesn’t even scratch the surface of how I feel.

And it’s not the correction that is stressing me out. Recall that I have all but begged for help, assistance, support, training, etc. I *know* that I have much to learn, and therein lies the frustration: I don’t feel as if I’m learning anything. Seriously, I didn’t feel this worthless when I started the job, but then again, that was back before I was overwhelmed by this complete lack of consistency.

Topping this off, the checker-person, who I’m convinced talks to people for the sole purpose of disagreeing with them, has lately taken to spouting off his little directives in a tone that implies that it’s always been so even when it’s the first time he’s mentioned it. And! When I venture to ask a question, more often than not, he demands in reply, “Why would it be THAT way?”

Alright, I admit it: I’m the CHIEF of Stupid Questions. But I realize more and more that when you’re talking to someone who thinks that making you look bad makes him look good, there are *only* stupid questions.

On a better note, I did recently get to have a small victory. A co-worker got my attention – interrupting my enjoyment of a Traveling Wilburys CD, I might add – to say that another co-worker (the checker-person, in fact) needed a spellcheck. I stopped the music and took off my headphones. I sat back, imagining a queen situating herself on a throne to perform some royal duty. “What’s the word?” I asked. Finally! They acknowledged that I’m good for something.

Posted in etcetera

you can’t get there from hair

How not to get the haircut you want:

1) Take pictures of yourself – from various angles – sporting a haircut that you like.

2) Print the pictures and take them with you on your next visit to the stylist.

3) Go to the same stylist that gave you the previous haircut.

4) Receive a haircut that was SO not what you wanted.

I admit, I’m at a loss for how number 4 results from the combination of 1, 2, and 3, but it does, or at least it did for me on Saturday. Was my hairstylist having a bad day? Were the four(!) pictures I took of the previous haircut not clear? Did I inadvertently signal that I wanted the shortest hairdo I’ve had in over twenty years? I wish I knew!

In any case, when I go for a haircut again – many, many weeks from now – I’ll do things differently. I’ll try a different salon, and instead of pictures, I’ll share only five simple words: “Trim just the ends, please.”

Posted in feelings

the sunny side of blah

For the past few weeks, I’ve been suffering from the blahs. Work has been the most stressful it’s ever been, as I’ve been behind on projects and repeated attempts to seek help have resulted in maddeningly brief/useless replies. Either the stress or the medication I’ve been taking appears to be making my hair fall out at an alarming rate. Worst of all, my mother revealed to me last December that she’s “been depressed most of [her] adult life”, and lately her mood seems very down and no words of consolation have helped.

I call this funk “the blahs” because I’m not consistently sad enough to have “the blues.” Sure I have moments where it feels as if everything in my life is going wrong, but then I keep coming back to what Rick Warren (the Purpose-Driven Life guy) said: “At all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for. You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems.”

So, I try to take things one day at a time. Or, failing that, one moment at a time.