Posted in crushes, feelings

in love with an image time is bound to see through

While meeting my boyfriend at Sears on Saturday, I was distracted by my latest celebrity obsession playing the guitar with his band in high-definition on one of the large flat-screen TVs. I stared, transfixed and delighted. The song was ending, but MAN, it was cool.

I went on to meet my boyfriend, although I did insist that we stop by that TV (several times, heh heh) to see if I could catch the full-length song by Mr. Celebrity Obsession. I was actually proud of myself for wanting to see it, because it was a recent clip. I’ve been watching the guy’s music videos from the ‘80s/late ‘70s, and diligently avoiding all the current stuff, i.e. reality. Indeed, seeing him looking his age was eye-opening, but I think I needed that.

However, as we watched, my boyfriend felt compelled to snark, “Is he on drugs right now??” Okay, maybe I was slightly out of line, mildly gushing over some public figure, but honey? You putting him down does *not* make me like you more.

Then, the next day my sister felt compelled to mention my obsession’s, um, chemical reputation, and I wondered why everyone is so determined to bash my little, albeit irrational fantasy. I don’t have a job. It takes effort to find things to occupy my days and my thoughts, and lately I’m trying hard not to dwell on how it seems as if everything I’ve ever wanted has been for nothing. So, IF IT’S NOT TOO MUCH TO ASK, could I just enjoy a few happy thoughts? At least in this case, I *know* not to expect them to come true.

Well, I say that and yet, with such an in-your-face reminder that they won’t come true, I admit that I’ve been left largely disenchanted with my celebrity obsession. Sure, I still enjoy his music, but congratulations, sis and boyfriend! Yet again, I feel like a girl without a dream.

Yesterday, this all reminded me how, when I was in school, I’d get a crush on a guy, and I’d have it for a long while, and no one else would do. I admit, sometimes I get a little bitter that not one of them worked out. Looking back, it finally occurred to me that maybe I was being unrealistic, focusing so much effort on someone who didn’t reciprocate. In my defense, I was a teenage girl! And we want what we want, right?

To be honest, I now suspect that the fantasy was more enjoyable than reality with those guys could have ever been. When you’re with someone, the newness is bound to wear off (this I know all too well, sigh). Sure, the lows of pining from afar – namely the rejection – were low, but the highs … wow. It can be pretty awesome when just seeing the object of your affection is a thrill.

Hmm, could it be that the whole point of the crush is the pursuit? With that in mind, I’m off to YouTube to watch some videos. There are some by Mr. Celebrity Obsession that I haven’t seen. *smiles*

Posted in etcetera

swine flu over the cuckoo’s nest

Status update: I didn’t get the job that I interviewed for. I’m not surprised. At least they told me. :shrug:

In other news, I’ve been sick yet again, and it started around the time we were having a local outbreak of swine flu. This concerned me – I may be falling back into my hypochondriac ways – so to comfort myself, I made a list of the

Top Five Reasons I Know I Have an Allergy Attack, Not Swine Flu

5. Before becoming sick, I hadn’t been out in public for over a week.
4. I *had* been out in the yard for hours two days in a row, during high pollen count days.
3. Classic signs of seasonal allergies: sneezing, watery eyes, sinus pressure, a bit of skin rash
2. No “high fever that doesn’t respond to Tylenol”
1. I’m a vegetarian!

I was amused a few days later when I received this from my cousin:

Top 10 Signs You Have Swine Flu

10. You can’t pass a mud puddle without wanting to roll in it
9. Even though it’s hot outside, you don’t sweat
8. *cough, cough*  *oink, oink*
7. You can smell food five miles away
6. You have the urge to push things with your nose
5. Your Jewish friends have shunned you
4. The smell of bacon is appalling
3. Your new favorite story is “Three Little Pigs”
2. The site of a BBQ grill makes you nervous
1. You now think Miss Piggy is a supermodel

Thanks, cousin, that makes me feel better. Except maybe for number ten. 😀