Posted in etcetera, feelings

welcome to me

My boyfriend and I reached a milestone last week: the four-year anniversary of our first date. In honor of this, I finally shared with him that I have websites, including this blog.

So, Jeff, if you’re reading this . . . welcome! I know I cautioned you – twice – that I sometimes rant, and you seemed to take it under advisement. Perhaps I should’ve specified that I’ve ranted about you, but I didn’t want to belabor the point, especially when it’s been quite a while since my last rant.

I’ve been trying to decide why I waited so long to tell you about the websites. I know I didn’t mention them when we first started dating because I didn’t want to overshare. Then, I guess I liked having my privacy. But since this year began – or was it last year? – I’ve resolved to try to talk *to* people instead of complaining *about* them, and I think that knowing you can read what I write will help keep me accountable.

Maybe part of me also wanted to keep the sites a secret because I feared rejection. Years ago, I let my boyfriend at the time read my real journal. I was trying to reassure him that my feelings for him were real, but it backfired on me, because in his reading he focused on how I said another guy that we worked with was cute. My ex said glumly, “I was just the guy who bugged you into going out with him.” If I’d thought for a second that what I wrote would hurt the guy’s feelings, I would’ve kept it to myself.

But in the case of this blog, and even the rest of the sites, they’re *meant* to be shared. Even if I’m ranting, I keep in mind that anyone could read it, so I try not to say anything I wouldn’t want known. So, Jeff, when you read the less-upbeat musings, feel free to share your thoughts on them. In fact, I would LOVE for you to mention things you’ve read here. For one thing, that would show that you’ve been here and are giving my writings some thought (and you know how important it is for me to feel listened to!), but also it would start a discussion, another very desirable outcome.

I’m not sure what else to say by way of introduction. I know there’s a lot of material here. (I did mention the twenty sites, right? And actually it’s more than twenty if you count the little ones…) When perusing the blog entries, you might find it helpful to do so in the archive, which contains the entries from the current blog as well as those from previous years.

Again, welcome!

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